TWT29 – Pest Control

To tell the truth, this creature has hounded for me for almost two years now. Almost certainly a squirrel. Twice a year he shows up, makes incessant noise for about two weeks, and then just when I’m gearing up to call someone in and deal with the bastard he leaves again. I’ve just reached the end of one of his visits… sleep deprivation does funny things to a person.

I didn’t stab the ceiling with a butter knife, but I did try some insane tactics in my tired rage. I looked up high frequency noises on the Internet, and “serenaded” him with them. I banged my fists on the roof (which startled him at first, but he seemed to get used it). I even tried scratching back… I don’t know… I guess I was hoping it would annoy him as much as it annoyed me?…

We even found where he was getting in at one point. We got a thick plastic grate and covered the hole. I guess we must have locked him in, because the next day he chewed clear through it.

Don’t be fooled… this is no mere squirrel. It is a demon. Hell-spawn. And though, in general, I wish no specific harm to any living creature, if I were to be brought face to face with this menace… well, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

~C

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Discussion (30) ¬

  1. Bearman

    Call Ghost Hunters

    • coliver

      I’d settle for an exterminator :)

      ~C

  2. James

    Usually I drink anything red that comes out of the walls. It’s also a good remedy for scurvy.

    • coliver

      I WILL DRINK THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES. But I’ll make sure I test it first, you can never be too careful.

      ~C

  3. ShadowBlade

    Been there cuz. Hate the little hell spawns.

    • coliver

      Twitchy bastards

      ~C

  4. Schmuck Man

    Two weeks? I would have been plotting murder after two days (or nights in this case). Try putting some food up there and poisoning it. They fall for that one easily.

    • coliver

      My roof is full of poison! Either he’s learned to ignore it, or is immune. Either way, I should be terrified.

      ~C

  5. JerryBenedict

    Hopefully he doesn’t move on from scratching the walls to prank phone calls… that could also keep you awake!

    • coliver

      No prank phone calls, but he has started holding band practices up there, and they are just AWFUL…

      ~C

  6. Mark Stokes

    I had this problem a few years ago, some frisky squirrels decided to make the spot above my bedroom their happy, scratchy new home. The suckers actually scratched a hole right through the ceiling! Had to set traps and relocate them a few miles away. Nothing will drive you over the edge faster than some roof rats keeping you up at night. Love this strip, Colin, my favorite part is that glimmer of impending insanity in your eyes!

    • coliver

      Thanks Mark :)!

      It really is brutal. It’s amazing how insane you can get when you lose your precious sleep.

      ~C

  7. Gooberandcindy.com

    Arg! Clifhanger! :(

    • coliver

      Let’s just say it ends with me in a mental institution. And just to make things worse, they ALSO have a squirrel problem :P.

      ~C

  8. Andrei Esca

    Hobo balls be stabbed.

    • coliver

      Serves ‘em right lol.

      ~C

  9. Tim Green

    I had a raccoon in my attic once! The noise was maddening!!!

    • coliver

      It’s crazy how much noise the bastards can make!

      ~C

  10. Stephen Beals

    This has become my wife’s favorite strip, mainly because she’s actually held a knife and said the exact same thing.

    • coliver

      Pests in the roof? Or completely unrelated lol?

      ~C

  11. George

    The dialogue in the next-to-last panel is gonna resonate through me for a long time. I like it. :)

    • coliver

      Thanks George :). I promise I’m not actually that terrifying.

      ~C

  12. Warren Frantz

    We had a squirrel make a nest in our car engine one time. It plugged up the gas line a bit. Every red light the car would bounce like a pimp-mobile. We finally took it in and the rodent had friggin’ died in there. Stupid stupid rat creatures!

    • coliver

      Wow. Natural selection at work right there. You’re taking stupid rats who nest in cars out of the gene pool.

      ~C

  13. Jenn

    Sounds like you just caught your new pet XD

    • coliver

      Sure, why not. Then I can unleash him to scratch in the homes of my enemies :).

      ~C

  14. Tony McGurk

    Good luck with the roof stabbing. Be sure to let us know how it goes.

    • coliver

      He left actually, so no stabbing is necessary. He must have heard me plotting his doom.

      ~C

  15. Tyler

    I can’t believe I didn’t think of stabbing the ceiling. I used to have a guy that lived in the apartment above me in college that made noise constantly throughout the night. Red is best.

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