To tell the truth, this creature has hounded for me for almost two years now. Almost certainly a squirrel. Twice a year he shows up, makes incessant noise for about two weeks, and then just when I’m gearing up to call someone in and deal with the bastard he leaves again. I’ve just reached the end of one of his visits… sleep deprivation does funny things to a person.

I didn’t stab the ceiling with a butter knife, but I did try some insane tactics in my tired rage. I looked up high frequency noises on the Internet, and “serenaded” him with them. I banged my fists on the roof (which startled him at first, but he seemed to get used it). I even tried scratching back… I don’t know… I guess I was hoping it would annoy him as much as it annoyed me?…

We even found where he was getting in at one point. We got a thick plastic grate and covered the hole. I guess we must have locked him in, because the next day he chewed clear through it.

Don’t be fooled… this is no mere squirrel. It is a demon. Hell-spawn. And though, in general, I wish no specific harm to any living creature, if I were to be brought face to face with this menace… well, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.


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